Game

I couldn't tell what game the kids were playing this morning while I had been trying to sleep in, but I can only guess it's something called Yelling and Slamming Doors. I could be wrong. I don't think so though.

Lip

You know, I'm fully aware of my 6-year-old's lack of ability to sit still for longer than 2.35 (average) seconds at a time. This is a well established fact. It's even on Wikipedia. I was also very aware, based on the same enthusiastic yelling that woke me up this morning, that he was watching something on TV that he was extremely excited about. Yet, despite these 2 very obvious, cold hard facts, my brain decided, for some unknown reason, to instruct me to silently walk up to him from behind and give him a quick kiss on the top of his head this morning. And now I have my stupid brain to thank for this full, pouty bottom lip. Someone ask me how many different ways shrimp can be prepared.

Ken

Living in a house with a sister, of course my 6-year-old is going to occasionally be exposed to movies he probably wouldn't see on his own. For example, the Barbie movie he watched yesterday with his sister. He may not admit it to anyone else, but based on his enthusiastic review afterwards, he seemed to like it. More specifically, he really enjoyed the comedic stylings of one particular character, which he dubbed "The Boy Barbie." He has a name, son. It's Ken. Ken is his name.

That Wasn't It

My favorite is when my kids think they've done something cool and excitedly call me over to watch them do it again and then, when they try to do the cool thing again, they mess it up and I, not knowing what it was they were actually trying to do in the first place, feign excitement at what they actually did do and they quickly say, "That wasn't it," and then they immediately proceed to try to do it again, but fail again and I feign the excitement again, still not knowing what it was they were trying to do and again they quickly say, "That wasn't it," and this repeats several more times before I finally tell them to let me know when they have it figured it out and then several minutes later they call me back and we repeat the whole process all over again and after what seems like a thousand attempts they never are able to do whatever that cool thing was ever again. Good times.

Censored

Just overheard my 6-year-old yell, "But i don't know where the h-word they are!" You know you're a good parent when you've taught your child to self-censor at such an early age.

IT Question

A question for my IT friends: My 6-year-old just asked me how many "galometers" a movie file of his is and I was wondering how that converts to gigabytes.

Packing

This is what happens when you let your 6-year-old pack his own suitcase. Good thing it was a road trip otherwise we would have never gotten through security with all the weapons (nunchuks, a Star Wars blaster, a lightsaber) he decided to pack, along with a dozen matchbox cars. I'm not sure what kind of vacation he thought this was going to be.

#6yearoldninjajediassassin

Agony of Defeat

The Agony of Defeat ...

How Many?

MY 6-YEAR-OLD: (through the door) Dad! What are you doing in there?!
ME: (sarcastic) Um, I don't know ... what do people usually do in the bathroom?
MY 6-YEAR-OLD: Are you almost done?!
ME: I don't know. Don't rush me.
MY 6-YEAR-OLD: Ugh! How many poops you have left?!
ME: (after a beat) How many ... ? Uh, let me count. Seven.
MY 6-YEAR-OLD: (shocked) SEVEN?!

Commercials

Watching live TV with my 6-year-old is always entertaining. I swear, for as long as he's been able to talk, at the end of EVERY SINGLE commercial, without fail, he always says, "We should get that." The best is when he singles one of us out for whatever product is being sold, like the other day he said, "You should get that, Dad," after seeing a commercial for a Tesla. Yeah, okay, sure, I'll head on over to the dealership right now. I'm waiting for the day when he sees a commercial for something like adult diapers to see who he "assigns" it to.

Pick Up Your Toys

We told the 6-year-old to pick up all his toys off his floor. We should have been more specific.

Poked Eye

You watch The Three Stooges with your kids and you probably shouldn't be surprised when one of them pokes you in the eye, right?

Last Day of School

Today is my kids' last day of school. I know this because they woke me up this morning, pre-alarm, repeatedly yelling "LAST! DAY! OF! SCHOOL! WOO-HOO!" Then the 6-year-old came in to rub a little salt in the wound by asking me when my Summer Break starts. I told him most adults don't get a Summer Break. I'm pretty sure we've had this discussion before so I couldn't quite tell if his "Awww!" was genuine or sarcastic. Then the 11-year-old came in, snuggled up next to me in bed, looked up at me and told me that I have a lot of hair in my nose.