Parental Flaw

I've come to the realization that among my many flaws as a parent, one of the major ones is that I seem to lack the ability to think things through. For example, when we got the 7-year-old an advent calendar that contains 25 individual Star Wars-themed mini-Lego sets in it, I thought it'd be a fun little thing for him to do every day, being that he's big into both Legos and Star Wars. What I didn't realize was that what I was actually buying was a new, blond-haired alarm clock that would be entering my room every single morning somewhere between the ungodly hours of 5:00-6:00 AM while I'm still peacefully slumbering, that would immediately turn on the light upon entering, and then (and the order here is important) ask if he could turn on said light (and not wait for my response) and then ask — nay, demand — that I help him build, essentially, a tiny, 20-piece puzzle when my brain is barely functioning enough to even comprehend where I am. This flaw is something I need to work on, I know, though it's been 12 years now since I first became a parent so I admittedly don't have high hopes of any improvement in this area.

The Last Bite

That intensely serious look my dog gives me suddenly when I get to the very last bite of my slice of pizza as a long string of drool cascades from the corner of his mouth.

Good Morning

Laying in bed, not wanting to get up, when I suddenly hear my 7-year-old bust into a loud, exceedingly cheerful and completely made up song that consists solely of lyrics of him individually saying ‘good morning’ to every single toy in his room and wondering what the heck his mom sprinkled on his waffle this morning. Sheesh ... I’ll have whatever he had, please and thank you.

Batteries Not Included

Out of all the frustrating things my 7-year-old has done since arriving on this planet, I’d have to say that constantly taking all the batteries out of all the remotes has to be pretty close to the top of the list. That’s just evil. It’s okay though, I’ll just add it to the list of things I’ll do to him when he gets older and moves into his own place. Just you wait, kiddo, just you wait [insert maniacal laugh here].

Random Act of Kindness

So this year my kids' store-bought, chocolate-filled advent calendars also feature nice little holiday-themed "random acts of kindness" ideas on each day's flap. Recently, my 12-year-old decided to take it upon herself to enact one that read "Make Someone a Cup of Hot Cocoa" and I happened to be the lucky recipient. Unbeknownst to me, though, she decided to forgo simply using a packet of powdered mix and instead made some 'from scratch'. Of course I didn't know that until I took a sip and the thick sweetness of it shot directly to my brain. I instantly heard a popping sound which I believe was my left eye forcibly dislodging itself partially from the socket. With a gentle smile, I asked her what was in it and she informed me that it basically had chocolate and every type of sugar (regular, powdered, brown) she could find in the pantry. After experiencing a brief bout of cold sweats moments after, I'm pretty sure her random act of kindness has reconfigured my DNA.