Belated Birthday Post

THE 7-YEAR-OLD: Happy Birthday, Dad.
ME: Thanks, big guy.
(a few moments of silence)
THE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD: That’s a lot of hair in your armpit there.
ME: Thanks.
THE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD: That wasn’t really a compliment.


THE 13-YEAR-OLD: Happy Birthday, Dad.
ME: Thanks, Chipmunk.
THE 13-YEAR-OLD: I’m sorry I didn’t really get you a present.
ME: That’s okay.
THE 13-YEAR-OLD: Your kids are like your presents.
ME: You’re funny. You tell funny jokes.

Under the Table

I forget at what age exactly does going under the table at restaurants stop being a fun thing.

#everysingletimewiththisone

Belated Father's Day Post

The best kinds of cards are the homemade ones (sorry, Hallmark). My daughter made me this great pop-up card for Father's Day this year. I'm assuming she meant metaphorically because I'm clearly neither of those individuals. I guess she did preface it with "maybe." Even if I was, say, Batman, I wouldn’t be foolish enough to give away my secret identity in a Facebook post. Anyway, it was very sweet and made me feel all warm inside and only made me twitch a little when I saw the "your." Ironically, she probably stole the whole idea from an actual Hallmark card. :D

Wisdom Pearls of a 7-Year-Old

While I’m laying with with my 7-year-old at bedtime, he will often dispense tiny pearls of wisdom right before he turns over and falls asleep. I give you last night’s ...

7-YEAR-OLD: Dad?
ME: Yeah?
7-YEAR-OLD: Sometimes my farts are silent, but deadly.
ME: Yeah.

I think he was having an off-night.

My Dog's Original Name

Nearly five years ago we got our dog from a shelter and since then we've always wondered what his original name may have been. Though we'll probably never know for sure, whatever it was, I've always suspected that it had to be something that sounds like a refrigerator door opening because he always comes running when I open ours.

23 and My 7-Year-Old

Overheard today ...

THE 7-YEAR-OLD: I wanna do that 23 and Me thing.
WIFE: Oh yeah?
THE 7-YEAR-OLD: Yeah, so I can find out if I'm like 50% American or like 100% African American or something